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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26086591">Damn you, damn me too</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookl0ver/pseuds/bookl0ver'>bookl0ver</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>EastEnders (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Don't copy to another site, Hurt No Comfort, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:42:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>918</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26086591</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookl0ver/pseuds/bookl0ver</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ben can't stop fucking up, and Callum can't take it anymore.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Damn you, damn me too</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Thanks for clicking!</p><p>Warnings: Swearing. Angst. </p><p>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Where were you when I needed you eh? When I was spiralling, couldn’t sleep, trying so hard to keep everything together tell me, where the hell were you?” </p><p>Ben hadn’t expected this. He knew Callum was angry, knew he’d fucked up but watching as his boyfriend shouted, voice loud and piercing as his implant processed it, he realised just how bad things were. </p><p>“Baby,” He tried, placating hand outstretched to Callum. “Callum please, I’m sorry, just listen – “</p><p>“Listen?” Callum scoffed, a humourless laugh spilling coldly from his lips and Ben flinched at the sound of it. “You want me to listen? Why? So you can lie to me, promise you’ll change, swear all kinds of things that you’ll go back on the second daddy dearest comes calling? No thanks Ben.” </p><p>Callum turned then, scooping up a bag and throwing it at Ben’s chest. “Take your stuff and get out. We’re done.” </p><p>What? He didn’t, that couldn’t have been what he said. The implant must have been playing up, there was no way Callum had really said – </p><p>“Get. Out.” Callum hissed, leaning down slightly so Ben could read his lips. </p><p>“Babe, baby please,” Ben dropped the bag and scrambled to Callum, clenching his hands in his shirt. He whimpered, a high, pathetic sound when Callum shoved him off. </p><p>“I ain’t your baby no more.” </p><p>Tears pricked at Ben’s eyes and he made to move closer, needed to show Callum that they were good, could be good again if he just let him try. A hug could be enough to fix this, enough for Callum to let him try and fix it. </p><p>And Callum knew that too, from the way he dodged away from Ben’s arms, stepping out of his reach. “Don’t fucking touch me. I’m sick of this, sick of you! Of being your doormat and your punching bag, your fucking comfort blanket.” </p><p>Callum’s voice rose several decibels and Ben hastily reached up to fiddle with the implant, adjusting it. Pain burned through Ben’s chest, stabbing his lungs with every frantic inhale, burning his throat on every exhale. The tears started to spill, and when he looked up at Callum there was no concern in those beautiful blue eyes. They were angry and hard, blazing, mouth pressed in a grim line. </p><p>“Don’t give me the crocodile tears Ben. Just cos I fell for them last time don’t mean I will now. I’m finished with this.” He stepped closer and scooped the bag up, placing it in Ben’s trembling hands. Ben couldn’t help but notice the way Callum’s own hands quivered slightly, and his heart broke. He had done this to Callum, the one thing he swore he wouldn’t. “Take your shit, all of it, and get out of my flat.” </p><p>He had to try again, needed to get through to Callum. “Babe please I love you, don’t do this Callum I’m sorry, I’ll be better I swear to you, please just give me another chance!” It all came out in a breathless rush, jumbled and barely coherent and Ben flushed red in shame at the sheer desperation in his voice. </p><p>Callum’s bottom lip trembled and he blinked harshly. The pain and despair radiated from Ben, and it hurt. His arms ached with the desire to pull Ben to him, hold and reassure him, but he couldn’t deal with it. If he let Ben back in there was no way he’d survive the pain of being broken all over again. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” He said lowly, voice breathlessly harsh. “I need you to leave, now.” </p><p>Ben shook his head, tangling his hands in Callum’s shirt again. “I can’t lose you Cal! Please don’t make me go, please Callum I need you.” </p><p>In a moment of weakness Callum let his arms wrap around Ben’s shoulders, leaning down to breathe in the scent of Ben’s shampoo. God, this was agonising. </p><p>“Ben,” He breathed out, pulling away and tilting Ben’s chin up gently. The anger had drained from him at the state of his boy- not anymore, he wasn’t his boyfriend anymore. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t. Every second with you I’m scared, scared of what you’ll do, what will happen to us here and to me at work. You make me feel so angry and hurt, and I can’t take it. So, if you ever cared for me, please go now. I’ll bring your stuff round.” </p><p>Dammed sincerity swirled amongst the pain in Callum’s eyes and Ben couldn’t let himself hurt him anymore. Taking a greedy inhale he let Callum’s scent fill his nostrils and tried to memorise it, then nodded softly. He forced his hands to disentangle themselves from Callum’s shirt, and stretched up, planting one final kiss against Callum’s cheek, stubble scratching at his lips. </p><p>“I’m sorry.” He whispered against Callum’s skin. “I love you.” </p><p>Every thud of his shoes on the floor echoed through the flat. He made it to the door and turned to take one last look at Callum. Their eyes met, blood racing with the intensity of their connection, and then it was broken as Callum pushed the door closed, leaving Ben outside on the doorstep. </p><p>Tears fell unbidden, tracking two sets of stubbled cheeks, one falling to the floor and sobbing helplessly into his arms, the other crying silently as he hurried to the privacy of the car lot. </p><p>In the silence of the gorge between them, Callum breathed four words he knew he’d never say again with true conviction. </p><p>“I love you too.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading! </p><p>Please let me know what you think, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated! </p><p>Have a great day!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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